Life is hard. Finding yourself, knowing who you are, and understanding your body and mind are all extremely hard things that are more often than not over looked. It has taken me a long time to actually get a finished draft of this post, and I still don't know if this time the words will come out right. Let's try. We have very complex minds, we are all beautiful human beings and there are so many parts of us that makes you you. We are all very different, and so I'm sure many people will be able to relate to this and some people just may not get it at all. And thats okay because we all work differently and we all experience different things at different times. Maybe in a few years, 10 years, 2 days you'll be able to relate. Maybe not ever. And that's okay too.
Finding myself is something I've always been trying to do. I felt at a very young age I'd got it all figured out. I thought I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted. Some of those things are still truer than ever, some of those things are different. Because I tried so hard to 'brand' myself, find my identity and stick to one thing I have never found the purest form of me. And honestly this has frightened me a lot. I also think this fear has lead to a good part of my stress and anxiety. I have spent so much time trying to be 'someone' that I have forgotten to just let myself be myself. I have been so concerned with fitting an 'image' that I've lost me. But recognising this is one of the most important things and if we can see this early then maybe we can train ourselves to try to bring out our true selves. My image is one of the most important things to me, my truest love is fashion, style,clothes and beauty and so how I look is a big deal to me, I want to produce a certain look or vibe and I've tried overly hard to force myself to be a certain thing all at once and not realised that actually there might be several different things that can form a whole not just one things that is truly me. I see now that my style is not just one end of the spectrum or the other, it is a mixture, it is an expression and it can change with my mood inspirations and trends. I forgot that I am actually allowed to just dress how I want too, I've been so focussed on fitting an image. I've always experimented and I love experimentation and when I was at my most experimental I was getting the most hate but was actually my happiest. This experimentation allowed me to just be me and openly try and find myself. And in a way I was just using people that inspired me to try and change a little bit of myself to be more like them. I've done this so many times with different people that I get obsessed with and try to change myself a little to live their 'perfect' life. But now, as I start to realise this I don't have a single role model, there isn't that person who I've ben obsessed by and want to be. There are characters that I admire for being true to themselves but not necessarily what I want to look like or be like. And this is the best place to be in my opinion, somewhere where you can appreciate other people and their style, work and lifestyles but try to cultivate and grow your own look and lifestyle that expresses who you really are. There is no formula to finding yourself and being you, and sometimes I think I've got it and realise that really that isn't me, but thats okay, its all in the experimentation.
Keep creating, enjoying, living and experimenting with every aspect of you style and life.